


Meandering Sword

by Alexander_L



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Drama, Canon Bisexual Character, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Friendship/Love, M/M, Mentioned canon character deaths (Dimitri at Gronder Field), Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc, Other, POV Multiple, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Rare Pairings, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:47:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexander_L/pseuds/Alexander_L
Summary: It started as a mission to grow stronger and learn Yuri's unique fighting style. It ended as Felix finding someone he could love and trust, and a purpose to fill the emptiness in his life that he felt when he no longer had a homeland and king to fight for.(The title is taken from Felix's solo Golden Deer ending card, of which this will be an interpretation.)Written month-by-month through the war, this story is more like a series of chronological oneshots.Rated E for: violence, profanity, and explicit sexual content (later in the story)
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc
Comments: 15
Kudos: 24





	1. Ethereal Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix just wants some damn peace and quiet but as he tries to hide away from everyone, he ends up running into Yuri Leclerc instead.

Surrounded now by grass and sunlight, voices and life, noise other than the clash of steel and screams of battle, Felix realized that he did not miss Faerghus. It had felt jarring at first to be back at Garreg Mach, reunited with old friends from all across Fódlan who he thought he would never see again. He had not even intended to come back. Sylvain had dragged him along, insisting over and over that there was nothing left for them in Faerghus and any hope they had now lay with Claude until Felix had finally found himself believing the words.

Felix was glad he had returned and regained hope of a real chance to fight back against the Empire. But after years of the cold isolation of Faerghus being here overwhelmed him to the point where sometimes time alone became such a painful necessity that he would hide away from his friends just for a moment of silence to gather his thoughts and make sense of the ever-shifting tides of his chaotic world.

First he tried the library, until Hilda, Ignatz and Annette had decided to work on restoring it and the noise of hammers rebuilding bookshelves had driven him away. He liked Annette’s singing as she worked, but he was eventually driven away by Hilda who always seemed to find him and talk at him incessantly without being deterred by the withering looks he gave her.

He had tried the stables next, certain no one would look for him there. But once Ferdinand had discovered his new haunt, he had been overjoyed to have someone to talk to and kept trying to convince Felix to spar with him or to help him care for the horses. He was a decent sparring partner, but Felix went there to rest, not to fight and, begrudgingly, he had stopped trying to hide in the stables.

Finally he had accepted that within the walls of Garreg Mach he would never find any peace. So he ventured into the outlying woods and took up residence on the sturdy limb of a willow tree where, hopefully, not even the most determined person would find him.

What he did not expect was to find someone else.

Halfway through a chapter of a book on gambit tactics Byleth had recommended, Felix jolted out of his relaxed state at the sound of footsteps. He held his breath and listened, his hand straying to the hilt of his sword.

Then an unfamiliar voice began to sing in a soft, husky tone and Felix couldn’t bear to climb down from the tree and confront the stranger. The voice held him captive, more beautiful than anything he had ever heard before, gentler than Dorothea’s strong voice and haunted by a melancholy that he had never heard in Annette’s whimsical songs.

There was only one pair of footsteps and something about the tone of the voice made him think that the stranger was singing only for himself. Occasionally they would forget a line of the song and hum instead, unconcerned with accuracy or performance. It was a sad song, low and introspective, as vulnerable as a secret not meant for anyone but the singer and the empty forest around them.

The stranger drew closer and Felix decided to stay hidden and let them pass by. Despite his curiosity, he didn’t want to have to silence that voice with a fight.

Then the voice stopped abruptly and before Felix could react, a knife struck the tree a hair’s-breadth from his head, embedding itself deep into the bark. Leaping down from the branch, he hit the ground in a roll to break his fall and sprang back to his feet and unsheathed his sword in one swift motion.

The person that stood before him caught him off guard.

“Set that sword down or die, Fraldarius,” Yuri Leclerc threatened, stepping closer with a furious look in their eyes, their own sword drawn.

“What are you doing here?” he asked without sheathing his blade.

“Why are you spying on me?” Yuri replied.

“I’m not. I just wanted some peace and quiet. This is my hiding place. You’re the intruder. So put your weapon away and fuck off.”

Slowly, Yuri lowered their sword, but they waited for Felix to sheathe his blade before they mirrored the movement. 

“This is the part where I blackmail you into not breathing a word about what you just heard,” Yuri said. “But I think a simple threat will do. You’ve seen me fight and I know you have a healthy respect for an opponent you know could beat you in seconds. So tell anyone about this encounter and I’ll slit your throat and the throat of whoever you told. Understand?”

“I don’t give a damn what you’re doing here. You don’t need to threaten me.”

“Hm. Just know that I know everything that happens in Garreg Mach. I’ll know if you betray me.”

“What the hell am I betraying? You weren’t discussing state secrets with the trees. And if you’re talking about your singing, why would anyone care?”

“I don’t like to sing in public. I don’t want to be pressured into it.”

“Then just say no if anyone asks. Seems pretty simple to me.”

“Nothing in life is simple,” Yuri replied. “Now run along and forget you saw me.”

“This is my place! You want me to leave? Make me.”

Yuri gave him a cunning, fascinating smile and looked him up and down with evaluating eyes. “Five years later and you’re still pestering me to spar with me. It’s nice to know some things remain constant in our crazy world, I guess.”

“And you’re still refusing. I guess neither of us have changed,” Felix fired back.

“I have better things to do than bruise your ego.”

“Like what? Sing to the birds?” 

The edges of Yuri’s smile tightened, hardening their expression into something unsettling and deadly. But the threat only excited Felix more and he found himself smiling back.

“Fight me,” he said. “My ego can take a beating. Can yours?”

“We have plenty of people to fight. We don’t need to fight each other.”

Felix whipped his sword out and lunged at Yuri, but the element of surprise gave him no advantage because Yuri dodged the attack effortlessly, not even bothering to draw their sword.

“My, you are stubborn,” they said.

Felix didn’t waste time replying. He attacked again and once more Yuri evaded him. As they repeated the dance, Felix analyzed Yuri’s movements, detecting a pattern and adapting to it. His next strike came dangerously close to slicing Yuri’s arm off and this time Yuri drew their sword to counter it.

Pressing forward, he forced Yuri to fall back a few steps, noticing the way their smile faded and a look of concentration replaced it. A few more steps and Yuri’s patience broke. They didn’t lose their composure, but they fought back in earnest. All the same, Felix continued to gain ground, his onslaught of attacks less precise than Yuri’s but far more ferocious.

His own progress shocked Felix, for he had expected a more drawn-out fight. Had Yuri gotten rusty over the years whereas Felix had been fighting constantly up in Faerghus? Is that why Yuri didn’t want to spar? They knew they would lose?

The idea took some of the satisfaction out of winning, but not enough to abandon the fight and walk away. Maybe if he solidly beat Yuri it would inspire them to train more and they would become a worthy opponent again.

Another strike and Yuri was nearly out of room to retreat, having been maneuvered back until they were nearly pressed up against the trunk of a tree. But right as Felix was about to pin them, Yuri smirked and in one fluid movement disarmed him. 

Felix didn’t miss a beat, though. Grabbing Yuri’s wrist before they could swing their blade, he wrenched it free and threw it aside, slamming his other fist into Yuri’s stomach to knock them back against the tree. The blow staggered them for a moment and it gave Felix just enough time to grab the small knife he had noticed was strapped to Yuri’s belt, hidden by their cape, and flick it up to rest it against Yuri’s neck and force them to surrender.

The second before the blade met Yuri’s neck, Felix’s body froze. He struggled against the strange grip of some kind of magic and watched as Yuri smiled at him, raised their hand and snapped their fingers. The magic released and Felix collapsed. As he tried to scramble back to his feet, a bolt of lightning hit his legs, sending paralyzing spasms of pain through them.

WIth no particular concern or hurry, Yuri picked up the knife and crouched down next to Felix, resting it against his throat.

“Happy?” they said.

Felix swore and managed to drag himself up into a sitting position, but his leg felt like it was on fire and there was a singed hole in his pants through which he could see a nasty burn.

Yuri sheathed their knife and held out their hand, healing magic glowing in their palm. They raised their eyebrows questioningly and Felix nodded. Yuri’s touch was surprisingly gentle as they set to work healing the wound, belying the unhesitating ruthlessness during their fight.

“You were toying with me,” Felix said.

“I was. You amused me. Does that offend you?”

“It…” Felix searched for the right word, then said, “It intrigues me. I don’t just want to beat you, Yuri. I want to learn from you.”

A look of surprise passed over Yuri’s expression. “Well now, that’s not what I expected to hear.”

“What did you expect?”

“Rage.”

“Do you assume that all I care about is winning?” Felix asked. “Is that really what you think of me?”

Yuri shrugged. “To be honest, I haven’t really thought of you. I’ve been busy.”

The words stung and Felix glared at them. “You used to have opinions about me and you sure made them clear once.”

Yuri’s brow furrowed in confusion slightly. “When?”

“Five years ago.”

“What did I do?”

The fact Yuri didn’t remember shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Felix, but it stung nonetheless. He might have only had three interactions with Yuri outside of the battlefield during their school days, but he remembered each of them vividly.

Finishing up the healing spell, Yuri looked back up at him and their eyes wandered over to a cut on Felix’s neck. “I didn’t do that to you. Did you get that in the battle a few days ago?”

Felix reached up and traced the line of the scar with his fingertips. “Yeah. Marianne was so busy in the infirmary, it didn’t seem important enough to bother her. It’s not a big deal. It will heal without magic just fine.”

“I might as well fix it while I’m at it,” Yuri said. They smiled mockingly at Felix and added, “Can’t have anything ruining those sharp looks, can we?”

He knew Yuri was messing with him trying to fluster him, but Felix could feel his cheeks flush and he cursed at himself silently for the stupid reaction.

Yuri tipped his chin up with one finger and leaned closer to examine the scar. Their hair fell into their face and it was close enough that Felix could smell the faint fragrance that clung to it – subtle and spiced, like cinnamon and cloves. If he had ever put any thought into it, Felix would have guessed that Yuri would smell sweet, something light and floral to match their lavender hair and the shades of purple brushed across their eyelids. He wouldn’t have expected something this–

Felix realized suddenly how stupid and frivolous this train of thought was and chided himself. Who gave a fuck what Yuri Leclerc smelled like? Or how silky their hair looked, to the point where the sunlight filtering through the leaves of the trees made it shine? Or the way their fingertips were so smooth despite the calluses on their hands from years of wielding a sword? 

As Yuri healed the scar, their fingers hovered just above Felix’s skin, not touching but close enough that he could somehow feel them nonetheless. Along with the twinge of pain from the healing magic, a trail of heat spread across Felix’s cheek and neck, following the movements of Yuri’s hands.

“There. Good as new,” Yuri said and moved away.

Felix realized he had been holding his breath and he exhaled slowly, feeling a bit dizzy. From the healing magic. Yes, healing spells did that, didn’t they?

“You want to learn to fight better? Learn to heal first,” Yuri told him. “If you’re gonna beat me someday, I want you to be able to patch me back up.”

“Deal,” Felix replied.

“Deal? I wasn’t offering you a deal of any kind.”

“If I learn faith magic, you will teach me some of your techniques. Deal?”

Yuri laughed and stood up, holding out their hand to pull Felix to his feet. “Fine. Deal.”

Felix smiled. “Brush up on your swordsmanship then. Studying magic is time-consuming. I want it to be worth it.”

“Oh I’ll make it worth your time. Don’t you worry,” Yuri replied. “But I want something else in return from you.”

“Name your price.”

“A favor.”

“That’s it? A favor?” Felix said. “What kind of favor? I won’t agree to something that vague.”

“I teach you how to better wield your blade and in return you give me the right to call upon it someday. I have my hands full fighting to keep Abyss safe during these dangerous times. When I need your help, give me it, as a favor. Just once.”

“No,” Felix said, shaking his head.

Yuri looked taken aback, then they swiftly masked their disappointment behind a neutral frown. “Serve yourself.”

Before they could turn away, Felix said, “Use your favor for something else. My help in a fight comes for free. If you need it, just ask. You’re here to help Byleth and Claude fight their battles, aren’t you? If that’s the case, I’ll help you fight yours. Maybe I’ll find more interesting opponents in Abyss than I do up here. Imperial soldiers bore me.”

Yuri looked at him searchingly for a moment, then nodded. “I’ll just have to think of something else for that favor then.”

The words felt ominous, but Felix didn’t regret his decision. Let Yuri Leclerc do their worst. It was worth it to find an opponent who could finally give him a real challenge. The only thing worse than war was boredom and if his days continued on the same as they had been, Felix’s blade might not grow dull but his mind would.

Around Yuri, he would no doubt have to keep both sharp.

“Well, not that this hasn’t been fun, but I have things to do. See you around, Fraldarius,” Yuri said, turning on their heel and walking away with a slight saunter in their steps. “I’ll still slit your throat if you don’t keep quiet!” Yuri called back at him but Felix was too lost in thought to reply.

Yuri might not remember their past encounters, but Felix did clearly and he would not have expected his fourth to end like this, given the volatility of the other three.

  
  


* * *

Felix’s first encounter with Yuri Leclerc had been the day he ventured down to Abyss after hearing the rumors about the trickster swordsman who nearly bested Byleth in a fight. After searching around in the dim, grimy halls he had finally found Yuri in a run-down classroom and challenged them to a duel. Yuri had looked at him with open disdain.

“So you finally find out about Abyss and the first thing you do is come down here to see what it can offer you. You, the heir to House Fraldarius, with more money than you could spend in a lifetime. Did you look around at this place and think ‘These people are suffering. Perhaps I could do some good?’ No. You walked right past them to find me and demand that I waste my time satisfying the ego of a stranger when I have a whole city of people to protect. I’m sick of you nobles coming down here on dares, to gawk and pity. ‘Oh poor Abyssians, rotting away in the dark,’ you all say then go about your lives without a second thought. Get out of my sight and don’t show your face here again.”

Felix had left without a reply and spent the afternoon letting off steam in the training grounds. But that night he had knocked on Mercie’s door with a bag of gold and asked her to buy supplies and have them sent to Abyss but leave his name out of it completely. He wasn’t going to look like he was groveling for approval. After all, he didn’t give a fuck what Yuri Leclerc thought about him. 

  
  


Felix’s second encounter with Yuri was less hostile, but it was on a day that Felix wished he could forget. It was right after the Blue Lions had returned from taking down Miklan at Conand Tower. Felix had caught a shadow lurking outside Sylvain’s room and stalked out to beat up whoever had come to offer stupid fake sympathy. What he’d found was Yuri holding a small box.

“Maybe this will take the edge off,” they said simply and held out the package to Felix.

“What’s that?”

“Tobacco. You won’t find it for sale anywhere near Garreg Mach but I got my hands on some. I know Sylvain smokes, but also that he will have run out because the merchant who usually smuggles it in got waylaid by bandits. My possession of the tobacco and his unfortunate incident are, of course, unrelated.”

“Keep your stolen goods, you petty thief.”

“Even though I don’t need to justify myself to you, Fraldarius, maybe it will calm your nerves a bit to know that I found out that a string of rapes in towns along his route had been committed by him and that I only confiscated his wares because he wasn’t in any shape to use them with my knife in his throat.”

The idea had made Felix bristle with anger and he’d growled, “Too quick a death for a bastard like that!”

“Yes, I agree. But one must be efficient when they have to get back to class at noon without showing up bloodstained. Anyways, take this and give it to Sylvain. I know it won’t fix anything but maybe it’ll at least be some small comfort.”

“Why do you give a shit? I thought you hated nobles.”

“I _dislike_ nobles. Hatred I reserve for cruel, greedy bastards like Miklan and the tobacco merchant who think that they can do what they want in life no matter who it hurts.”

“You knew Miklan?”

“He gave gang leaders a bad name. I would have taken him out myself but I didn’t have the resources to.”

“Yeah neither did I or he would have died to my blade a lot sooner than he would have to yours.”

“Too bad neither of us did,” Yuri said. Then without further ado, they’d shoved the box of tobacco into Felix’s hand and walked away.

After that, Felix hadn’t seen Yuri in any other context than the class missions for quite a few months. The chaos of battle was no time to talk, although Felix did watch Yuri as much as he could, fascinated by their movements and techniques, trying to emulate them as much as he could but never quite getting the hang of his footwork that always felt more like a dance than a fight.

  
  


The third encounter was on the day that the Lions, Deer and Wolves came together as allies for the first, and last, time to fight off a mutual enemy. Edelgard’s army was at the gates of Garreg Mach.

Felix had been on guard duty, sharpening his weapons and waiting for sight of the enemy troops. He had caught sight of a flicker of movement, hardly more than a shifting shadow and had charged at it, catching the person seconds before they slipped through the gates and disappeared.

As he grabbed the person’s arm and yanked them back, they had turned and regarded him with eyes full of cold fury. “Fuck off, Fraldarius. I have work to do,” Yuri had said.

“The professor said we need to stay behind the walls. They could come at any moment.”

“I am aware. Now let go of me.”

“Where are you going?”

“That is none of your business.”

“Keeping our troops safe is my business.”

“And keeping my people safe is mine,” Yuri replied. When Felix still didn’t let go, they said, “My best friend is out there.”

“Out where?”

“In Edelgard’s army. She joined the Black Eagles earlier this year. I have to go bring her back to Abyss so she’s safe. I can’t have her killed on the battlefield by her own classmates.”

“Hapi?” Felix asked and they nodded tersely.

“Now will you let me go?” Yuri asked.

“How are you going to get in and out without being killed by the imperials?”

“I have my ways.” They finally wrenched their arm free and stared coldly at Felix. “Why do you care?”

Felix pointed at the sword on Yuri’s belt. “That iron blade is no match for their weapons. You need to be better armed.”

“Well, fancy silver swords don’t float down into Abyss that often. I make do. Now are you going to step aside or do I have to make you?”

On an impulse, Felix had drawn his favorite dagger from its sheath and handed it to Yuri.

“It’s wootz steel. The finest you’ll find in all of Fódlan. Take it. I’ve seen you fight with a dagger. It will go well with your style.”

Yuri examined the vicious toothed blade and checked its balance. “I don’t accept gifts. What’s your price?”

“I’m paying you back for the tobacco.”

“This is worth more.”

“You did something for my best friend. Let me do something for yours. I can buy a new blade.”

Yuri had hesitated a moment then nodded. “If I’m not back when the army arrives, give my apologies to the professor.”

“Be back. We’ll need you on the field,” Felix had replied but Yuri stepped through the gates and vanished into the night without another word.

Yuri did not return by the time the battle began and Felix had assumed that he would never see them again.


	2. Guardian Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a battle in which Hapi and Sylvain both sustained serious injuries, Felix and Yuri are both unsettled and worried about their best friends. They run into each other that night while they both try to find a quiet hideaway to think and take the edge off with a cigarette.

By the time they had finished healing Hapi’s wounds, Yuri’s magic was exhausted and where its heat and energy usually dwelled within them there was only a dull ache.

As a rule, Hapi never cried. Yuri had only seen her tears once, right after the church had thrown her down in Abyss, burning up with a fever and still bearing the scars of the experiments. In a delirious, panicked state, she had asked over and over again why there were no windows and why she couldn’t see sunlight. After the second day, she had broken down sobbing in Yuri’s arms as they tended to her as best they could with healing spells.

After she came out of the fever and got her bearings in Abyss, Hapi never cried again and it was only in the rarest of times that Yuri ever got to see glimpses of the strong emotions that simmered under her cool facade.

But now, as she lay silently curled up in a blanket in her bunk, Yuri saw a few tears slip down her cheeks.

“Hapi, talk to me,” they whispered, but she withdrew deeper into herself and didn’t answer. 

Lying down next to her, Yuri took one of her hands in both of theirs and waited for her to speak. They knew eventually she would.

After quite some time, she looked up at them with red-rimmed eyes and said, “Do you ever get sick of it, Yuri-bird, or are you used to it by now?”

“Sick of killing? Yeah, I got sick of it long ago.”

“Our war is just starting,” she said. “Getting burnt out now is like breaking my leg on the first mile of a race. What the fuck am I supposed to do? What the fuck did you do once you got sick of it?”

“Hardened my heart and kept going. But I wouldn’t exactly recommend that.” Yuri squeezed her hands and said, “You can stay on the back lines and guard the wounded. You don’t have to ride out with the cavalry in the vanguard.”

“Sylvain and Ferdinand will be toast without my spells backing them up,” she mumbled.

“Dorothea has been training to be a dark knight. She can be the cavalry mage. I can talk to Byleth about it.”

“No… Stop. I’m not going to be a coward.”

“It’s not cowardice to know your limits.”

Hapi sat up and pulled her hands away. “This isn’t my limit,” she said, a fierce look of determination hardening her expression. “I’m just feeling a bit down. I’ll get over it. I came back here with you to join the rebellion because I wanted to help bring peace back. I’m not going to back down. I’m sorry for getting all sniffly and pathetic. It’s just a mood.”

Her courage both impressed and saddened Yuri. After all their best friend had been through, they wanted nothing more than for her to be able to enjoy the peace and joy that had been robbed from her since childhood. But Yuri knew as well as her that she wasn’t going to find that as long as this war was raging.

“I know you’re tough as nails. I wasn’t calling you a coward. I was just worried. I care about you, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she said with a smile. But the smile faded and she asked, “Can I be alone for a bit? I need to pull myself together and it’s hard to with you sitting here being all sweet and sympathetic.”

Yuri hesitated, studying her expression and determining whether it was wise to leave her alone or not. She looked at them insistently and they nodded.

“Cool. Scram, Yuri-bird.”

“Fine.” They swung down from her bunk and walked to the door but paused to look over their shoulder at her and smile. “I’m gonna go bake you something. What do you want?”

“Ugh. Don’t baby me. I’m fine.”

Yuri raised their eyebrows and she gave in. “Cinnamon buns.”

“Coming right up,” they said and left.

As they made the trek up to the surface, they noticed that one of their legs was cramping. They’d taken a nasty thunder spell in their calf and it was still stiff from the healing spell. But they didn’t have the magic energy to work on it some more, so they did their best to ignore the pain and hide the limp.

It was nearly pitch-black outside and clouds blotted out any light from the moon and stars. But Yuri knew the monastery like the back of their hand and was grateful for the cover of darkness. They too were struggling to keep up the smiling, unconcerned manner they were known for and they didn’t want anyone to catch them slipping.

There was no one in the dining hall and Yuri lit a lantern and set to work lighting the oven and assembling ingredients. The motions were second-nature and they hardly processed what they were doing as they baked, completely lost in thought. When Yuri put the pan in the oven, they took note of the time, then wandered outside to wait. Their nerves were ragged and strained and more than anything they wanted a cigarette to take the edge off. It was unsafe to smoke in Abyss where the air quality was bad enough, so they only got to indulge in moments when they were above ground and alone.

Sitting down on a bench in the gardens outside the dining hall where they were sheltered from view relatively well by the tall hedges, they pulled the small box of tobacco from their coat pocket and rolled a cigarette. Summoning even the tiniest flame to their fingertips was a strain but Yuri managed to cast the fire spell just enough to light the cigarette before the flame sputtered out. 

Yuri raised it to their lips and inhaled deeply, feeling the rough scrape of the smoke in their throat as they drew it into their lungs and exhaled it slowly.

Quiet footsteps startled them but they couldn’t bear to extinguish the cigarette and waste the precious commodity of tobacco, so they just held their breath and hoped whoever it was would pass by without noticing.

To their surprise, Felix stepped out of the dining hall.

Yuri glared at him and said, “Keep walking, Fraldarius.”

“This is my smoking spot. You can’t keep kicking me out of my spots,” Felix replied testily.

“You smoke?”

“Sylvain’s a bad influence,” he muttered. “Are you baking something or did someone leave the oven going?”

“Cinnamon buns. I’ll share with you if you fuck off and leave me alone.”

“I don’t like sweets,” he said. He sat down on the bench next to Yuri and pulled a box of pre-rolled cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. “If you want to be alone, you can leave. This is the best spot to smoke without being caught and I don’t intend to surrender it to you.”

Yuri sighed and rolled their eyes. “Fine. Stay then. Perhaps if I chatter at you, you’ll be forced to leave.”

“With Sylvain and Annette as best friends, I learned long, long ago to tune out idle chatter. Do your worst,” he replied.

Yuri took a drag from their cigarette and regarded Felix with an analyzing look. He was attempting to hide it behind his usual sharp manner, but Yuri could see the subtle tells of stress in his body language. He was on edge too after their battle. An arrow had hit Sylvain in the gap of armor at his neck and if it weren’t for a quick physic spell from Marianne, it might have done permanent damage. Maybe he was struggling with that heart-aching kind of anger that Yuri had felt as they healed up Hapi – the painful frustration of caring deeply about someone and knowing there was nothing you could do to stop them from being in danger day in and day out. All you could do was try to protect them on the battlefield and patch them up afterwards.

But, much like Yuri, it was tricky to do that when your best friend was always galloping into the fray on the front lines and you were stuck on the other side of the battlefield with the infantry. 

“How’s Sylvain?” they asked and noticed how Felix stiffened as Yuri poked at the sore spot.

“Fine. Hopefully that damn idiot learned his lesson and will start training more. He was sloppy out there. It’s his own damn fault he got hit.” Felix glanced at him and his tone was the faintest bit softer as he asked, “How’s Hapi?”

“She’ll be alright in a few days.”

Felix’s eyes wandered away, avoiding eye contact like he often did. But instead of glancing out at the garden, they studied Yuri’s face and neck. “Why didn’t you heal that?” he asked, pointing at a cut right below Yuri’s jaw.

“My magic’s exhausted at the moment. I’ll take care of it later.”

“If you don’t patch it up, it’ll heal wrong and leave a scar.”

“That’s what makeup is for,” Yuri replied. “You should try it sometime. It would cover those dark shadows under your eyes. That way no one would know you’re losing sleep and worry about you.”

“I’m not losing sleep. I’m fine,” he lied.

“Then why are you here? It’s past midnight.”

Felix opened his mouth to reply then closed it with a scowl.

“Why are you so concerned about my pretty face?” Yuri teased and enjoyed the way Felix bristled.

“I was just trying to be helpful. I was going to offer to heal it, but if you just want to mock me, you can go fuck yourself.”

“You’ve been studying magic?” 

“We had a deal,” Felix said. “What did you expect? That I’d forget?”

“My good looks are my greatest asset. I’m not sure I trust them with your amateur spells,” Yuri replied with a smile.

“I’ve been studying every day with Annette and Marianne. I’m not an expert by any means, but I’m hardly an amateur.”

“Alright then. Go ahead. But if you botch it, you owe me.”

“Owe you what?”

“High quality makeup.”

“Fine,” Felix replied. 

Yuri could tell he wanted to prove himself and they were curious to see what Felix could do. Yuri realized they shouldn’t be surprised Felix had applied himself so diligently to studying. He wasn’t one for academics, but Yuri had observed him enough to know he was a lot smarter than people gave him credit for being. His cleverness wasn’t of the tactical kind like Claude’s or Byleth’s, nor was it the social kind like Yuri’s or Sylvain’s. Instead it was the kind of intelligence that caused him to be able to adapt to new information swiftly and apply it – an essential trait for a swordsman, who relied on quick reaction time and the ability to read and predict an opponent’s movements.

Felix finished his cigarette and extinguished it on the cobblestones. He turned to face Yuri with a stern frown of concentration and held out his hand. Faith magic glowed in his palm and after a minute he was able to cast the spell rune and strengthen the magic enough to use.

Possessed by a mischievous impulse to fluster Felix as much as possible, Yuri stared intently at him and leaned in closer. Even in the dim glow of the lantern in the window, Yuri could see the faint tinge of red that flushed his cheeks. 

Felix’s frown deepened as he focused harder and he touched the cut on Yuri’s jaw, his fingers tough and callused but gentle enough nonetheless. Yuri felt the twinge of pain in their skin as the cut closed and when Felix was done, they smiled at him and asked, “Well, how do I look? Have you successfully rescued my good looks?”

“Sure,” Felix replied, yanking his hand back and scooting away a bit.

Yuri figured even that meager acknowledgement of their attractiveness was a compliment coming from Felix.

Yuri touched their jaw and didn’t feel any sign of a scar. “Good job.”

“Will you spar with me now?” Felix asked.

“One more test. I took a thunder spell to my leg and it still hurts like a bitch. Do you think you can do something about that?” they asked, shifting and slinging their leg over to rest in Felix’s lap.

Felix froze with a startled expression.

Yuri laughed. “Nevermind. One healing spell must be all you can manage.”

“Shut up,” Felix growled and grabbed Yuri’s leg before they could move it away. “Where does it hurt?”

Yuri pointed to the spot and Felix tentatively massaged their calf, searching for the knot of pain. When Yuri flinched, Felix said, “Here we go. I’m not sure how to heal a muscle. I’ve only worked on open wounds.”

“Me teaching you faith magic wasn’t part of our deal.”

“You want me to blindly experiment?” Felix asked.

“Fair enough.” Yuri took Felix’s hand and placed it on the spot on their leg. “Close your eyes.”

“What? Why?”

“You need to reach out with your magic and sense where the damage is since it’s not something you can see.”

“How the hell do I do that?”

“Visualize your magic flowing out through your fingertips and into my body. When it touches the cramped spot, cast a healing spell with an emphasis on numbing to relieve the pain. An experienced healer does this before incisions or surgeries.”

“Okay.”

Yuri rolled up the leg of their trousers to their knee and when Felix touched their skin tentatively, Yuri placed their hand over his and guided his fingers to press into the knot. “Close your eyes.”

Felix obeyed and Yuri felt magic tingling in Felix’s fingers. It felt hot and cool at the same time as it searched their body. Then, sure enough, Yuri began to feel the pain fade and a comforting numbness steal over the spot. Their cramped muscles relaxed and they breathed a sigh of relief.

Felix did not immediately let go of Yuri’s leg even after the spell was complete. Feeling a little giddy from the nicotine and the pain relief spell, Yuri hardly realized that they hadn’t withdrawn their hand yet and they were still pressing Felix’s fingers into their skin. They ran their thumb over the top of Felix’s hand and maybe it was their imagination but they could have sworn they felt Felix shiver.

Suddenly, Yuri came to their senses and pulled their hand away. Felix stirred from whatever daze he had fallen into and shoved Yuri’s leg off of his lap.

“Did that work?” he asked.

“Yes. You did well.”

“So? Tomorrow? Dawn?”

“Yes, but come down to Abyss. We can spar there. I have too much work to do to be traveling back and forth to the surface,” Yuri replied. “And keep studying. Healing a little cut doesn’t prove that much. I expect you to be able to cast a physic spell in a month.”

“Of course.”

Yuri took a pull of the cigarette they had forgotten about and exhaled the smoke blissfully. Being out of pain was worth the disruption of Felix’s presence. Also, they couldn’t deny that it was fun to mess with him. He might be an asshole most of the time, but there was something straightforward and innocent about him too that was refreshing. Yuri was sure that he didn’t want anything from him other than training. And even if he ever did stir from his dense obliviousness to realize he was obviously attracted to Yuri, he would never proposition them or pressure them. He used to have a little of that typical noble entitlement about him when he was younger but Yuri didn’t see any traces of it now. 

Good. Yuri didn’t have time to waste on dallying around with someone. If they got the impression Felix was someone for casual sex, they might seize one of these moments of privacy they kept finding themselves in for a quick tryst. Felix was certainly their type with that tight, slim dancer body and those brooding, intense eyes. But Yuri had just enough respect for him to not want to trifle with him, and just enough disregard to want nothing other than a one-night stand from him.

The occasional flirtatious move to keep Felix uncomfortable was enough to entertain Yuri. And a good training partner would be useful. Felix wasn’t their match yet, but maybe with some work he would be.

“You want a cup of tea to help with the insomnia?” Yuri asked him. “I’ve got to go rescue my cinnamon buns from the oven.”

“I’m fine,” Felix replied automatically.

“You’re not,” Yuri said and stood up, walking off back into the dining hall.

As they poked at the cinnamon buns and determined that they needed another five minutes, they heated up a pot of water and searched through the cupboards until they found dried chamomile flowers.

Felix trailed in a minute later with a slightly resentful look and leaned against the counter silently.

“You always have trouble sleeping after a battle?” Yuri asked. They weren't sure why they cared. Yuri wasn’t usually one to fill silence with idle small talk. Maybe it was just habit. They were used to taking care of people. 

“Yeah,” Felix said so quietly Yuri could barely hear him.

As the water boiled, Yuri poured it into cups to steep and set one in front of Felix.

“What is this?” Felix asked, giving it a suspicious sniff and grimacing.

“Chamomile. It helps with sleep.”

“Smells like dirt.”

“I’m not too fond of it either,” Yuri admitted. “I usually put honey in it, but I couldn’t find any in the cupboards.”

“It’s fine,” Felix said. 

He sure said that a lot, didn’t he?  _ I’m fine. It’s fine.  _ It was like a reflex for him, to brush aside concern. It wasn’t what Yuri would expect from the youngest son of one of the wealthiest noble houses. They would have figured Felix was pampered and doted on his whole life. Why did he push away any kind of concern or care?

Maybe it was just because he was a prickly bitch.

Yuri left him to drink his tea in moody silence and checked on the cinnamon buns. They were perfectly golden brown and fluffy now and, with a proud smile, Yuri removed them from the oven and scooped them onto a plate. They would be a bit cold by the time Yuri made it back to Abyss, but Hapi wouldn’t mind. 

“Get some sleep,” Yuri told Felix. “You’re going to need all the strength you have in the morning to deal with the ass-kicking you’re going to get. I won’t go easy on you.”

Felix looked up at them and for the first time there was a real, genuine smile on his face. Yuri wouldn’t call it bright or even friendly. The corners of his lips were hardly even raised and his mouth mostly remained in its usual thin, drawn line. But his eyes lit up in a way that made that faint smirk seem almost joyful.

“You’d better not,” Felix replied.


	3. Pegasus Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice long Feliyuri chapter featuring:
> 
> Banter  
> Blades  
> Battle  
> & Blood
> 
> (i will never let Felix live down the unnecessary alliteration in his goddess tower scene.)

It was barely six o’clock in the morning and the halls of Abyss were still nearly pitch-dark. Whoever lit the lanterns must still be asleep. But it didn’t matter to Felix; he knew them like the back of his hand at this point. Sure, it had only been a month since the day Yuri agreed to start sparring with him, but Felix had made that month count. 

He ran into the empty cave-like room that served as their underground training hall and lit the lanterns with fire spells. Pacing back and forth and waking up his tired, sore muscles with stretches, Felix waited. 

But patience had never been his strong suit. He gave up after five minutes and set out towards Yuri’s room. As he turned the corner to the passageway outside the dormitories, he ran into Hapi walking out of her room, yawning and scratching her sleep-tousled hair.

“They’re still asleep, Bangs. There’ll be hell to pay if you wake them up,” she said.

“I’ll take my chances,” Felix replied.

“Your funeral,” she said with a shrug and walked away.

Felix knocked on Yuri’s door and was met with silence. But when he knocked again, there was a crash inside and a “Go away!”

“You’re late,” Felix said.

“You’re early! Fuck off!”

“No.”

Yuri muttered something Felix couldn’t hear but assumed was a string of curses. Folding his arms across his chest, he leaned against the wall and waited for Yuri to come out.

“It’s sparring, not a royal ball! Why is it taking you so long to get ready?” he called out after ten minutes.

“That’s rich coming from the man who has a hairstyle that involves fifteen hairpins and a special spray to hold together!” Yuri yelled. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Not to mention all the belts! It must take you an hour to get ready!”

“This is my armor!” Felix insisted. “It’s designed for function not fashion.”

Yuri laughed. “Explain the thigh belt.”

Felix couldn’t think of a reply and he heard Yuri laugh again.

“Yeah, I thought so. Shut up, Bangs, and let me get ready.”

“Look, it’s bad enough Hapi calls me that.”

“Would you rather I go back to calling you ‘Fraldarius’ in a tone of faint derision?” they asked.

“Just call me Felix or don’t call me anything at all,” he replied.

“Fine. Shut up, Felix. I’m almost done.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Ooo, asking for permission before saying something blunt and uncalled for? That’s new. I like it. Sure, go ahead.”

Felix rolled his eyes at Yuri’s sarcasm. “Why the makeup every day? I get it for a special occasion. It-” He caught himself before he said _‘It looks good on you.’_ because a compliment about swordplay was one thing; a compliment on Yuri’s appearance felt different and perhaps unwelcome. Felix was never sure about the correct way to give compliments anyways so he intended to avoid them when possible. “But for battle? Or a regular day of work? Why do you do it?”

“To make you ask questions.”

Felix scoffed at the evasive answer and Yuri laughed. It didn’t escape Felix that it was the third time he had, although unintentionally, made Yuri laugh. Since no one was around to judge him for it, Felix smiled to himself. It felt good to make someone laugh. He didn’t understand why really, but it did.

“I do it for the same reason you wear that stupid thigh belt,” Yuri said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You tell me.”

“Ugh.”

“It distracts our enemies,” Yuri replied lightly and Felix had the sense they were deflecting from the real truth of the matter but he didn’t particularly care enough to push the subject.

“One little belt is hardly a distraction,” Felix said.

“It is on a good thigh.”

Felix’s face felt hot and he cursed silently at himself and put his cold hands over his cheeks to cool away any sign of a blush before Yuri could step outside and see him.

“There. Stop your bitching. I’m ready,” Yuri said and opened the door. 

“Finally. Let’s go train,” Felix said.

“If you’re going to insist on showing up earlier and earlier, the least you could do is bring some breakfast with you,” Yuri grumbled as they followed him towards the training room.

“What do you want?” Felix asked.

Yuri looked at him in surprise. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t want you getting sloppy in your swordplay and wasting my time. If it means you’ll fight harder, I’ll bring breakfast tomorrow. What do you want?”

Yuri considered the question for a moment then said, “Those blueberry tarts Lysithea makes.”

“You need protein, not sugar. I have a stash of some bear jerky. How about that?”

Yuri made a face at him and Felix sighed. “Fine. Bear jerky _and_ blueberry tarts.”

“Deal,” Yuri said.

To Felix’s relief, small talk came to an end when they reached the training hall and drew their weapons. Yuri stretched for a moment and Felix busied himself with a sword exercise so he wouldn’t get distracted watching them. Ever since Yuri had caught him staring once, Felix had determinedly avoided paying any attention to them while they stretched. 

It didn’t matter how graceful they looked, how it almost seemed like they were flaunting their strength, flexibility and poise while doing it. Felix wasn’t going to be stand for being made fun of and being the brunt of Yuri’s stupid flirtatious jokes again. He didn’t need to be an expert in these matters to understand that none of the little goading comments, clever compliments and teasing innuendos Yuri would throw at him meant anything. They were just another technique, meant to fluster him and knock him off balance. Well, it wouldn’t work.

He was halfway through an exercise when out of nowhere Yuri leapt towards him with a swift strike. Felix blocked it and his heart started to race as Yuri unleashed an unrelenting onslaught of attacks on him.

For the first quarter of an hour, Yuri controlled the flow of the fight completely, maneuvering around the room and forcing Felix to always be on the defensive. Any ground Felix gained was quickly taken back and each time he made a move that surprised Yuri, they adapted and Felix couldn’t get away with it again.

He loved every second of it – the challenge that made every win more satisfying than a victorious battle, the sense of accomplishment that came whenever he mastered a new technique or combat art. And he loved the way his skill demanded Yuri’s attention. The first time they had fought in the woods outside Garreg Mach, Yuri had been only half-interested, toying with Felix out of boredom. But now they were invested, forced to give the fight every ounce of their attention and strength. 

Felix enjoyed the way Yuri moved with such intensity despite the perpetual unconcerned smile on their face, the way excitement burned in their eyes when his blade ended up an inch from their throat. He lived for those brief flashes of surprise when he one-upped them and the rare but satisfying nod of respect.

Sylvain had asked him why he wanted Yuri’s respect so much and Felix had given him an evasive reply about how he learned better from a teacher that took him seriously. The truth he would never in a thousand years admit to Sylvain was that it wasn’t even about him. He wanted Yuri’s respect, sure, the same way he wanted everyone’s. But what he really wanted was just to watch Yuri fight and now that Yuri had to give it their all, that sight was even more fascinating to behold.

“Aha!” Felix shouted as he seized an opening and went on the offensive, forcing Yuri back. Immediately, Yuri added magic to the mix, shoring up his defenses with well-timed spells. But Felix did the same, refusing to give any ground.

They went back and forth for a while longer, each gaining and losing the upper hand several times. Then finally Felix managed to execute the technique he had been practicing for weeks. Deftly disarming Yuri, he followed up the move instantly with a silence spell and grabbed Yuri’s wrists before they could fight back, pinning them up against the wall.

Winded slightly from the demanding fight, Felix panted for breath and waited for Yuri to acknowledge his victory and concede the match. But Yuri just stared at him, eyes widened slightly, lips parted. Felix became suddenly and terrifyingly aware of how unnecessarily close he was leaning in and how near those glossy lips were to his own, how he could feel Yuri’s breath and smell the tantalizing scent that clung to his skin and hair.

“I won,” he said.

A devious smile spread across Yuri’s lips and they snaked an ankle around Felix’s leg, yanking him a step closer. But Felix was ready for this move; it wasn’t the first time Yuri had tried it. Bracing one knee against the wall, he clutched at Yuri’s wrists tighter and refused to back down despite the way that being pressed up against Yuri’s body flustered him.

“Are you going to admit defeat or keep trying these tactics? They won’t work on me anymore,” Felix murmured an inch from Yuri’s mouth.

“Are you so certain?” Yuri whispered and before Felix could process what was happening, Yuri tipped their head down and brushed their lips ever-so-slightly across Felix’s neck. Then suddenly a sharp stab of pain broke him out of his daze as Yuri caught a bit of skin below Felix’s jaw in their teeth and bit down.

Heat flared in an uncontrollable, visceral way through Felix’s body and he gasped, letting go of Yuri and stumbling back a few steps. Yuri was on him in an instant, tackling him to the ground and wrestling him into submission.

“I always have new tricks up my sleeve,” they said smugly.

“You fight dirty,” Felix growled.

“Isn’t that what you came here to learn? How to use every weapon at your disposal to win, not just the ones knights and nobles are taught to use?”

“Get off me,” Felix said.

Yuri laughed and released him, standing up and brushing the dust off their clothes. “Your form has improved remarkably and that silence spell was good. I think the only other things I can teach you now are tricks, not techniques.”

Felix got up and rubbed at the bite mark on his neck, hoping the embarrassed blush had left his cheeks but knowing resentfully it probably hadn’t. He couldn’t stand the way Yuri was smirking at him.

“So that’s the lesson for today? Go for the throat?” he said stiffly.

“Or whatever skin is available to you at the moment,” Yuri replied. They sheathed their sword and said, “I think it’s breakfast time now. You care to try some of the local cuisine? We have a real Abyss specialty in our dining hall right now.”

“What is it?” Felix asked.

“Stale army rations.”

Felix snorted. “Thanks. I’ll pass.”

“If that’s not your cup of tea, I do have some meat pies. It’s funny – we had the damndest thing show up outside the northern gate. It was a whole herd of cattle. The merchant who brought them said he inherited them from a farmer who was killed in the war and he practically gave them to us, they were so cheap. We haven’t had fresh red meat like that in ages. It really boosted the morale and health of the people around here.”

“Someone brought cows to Abyss? That’s crazy,” Felix said in a disinterested tone.

“Yeah. I think he stole them, though, because they still had their brands on them.”

Felix stiffened a bit and when he dared to look over at Yuri he saw the amusement sparkling in their eyes. 

“They had a Fraldarius territory brand on them,” Yuri continued. “Did you know that your family’s cows were being stolen and illegally sold to outlaws?”

“I have them brought to Garreg Mach to help feed the army. Maybe someone intercepted them on the way,” Felix said.

“Hm. Well, I hope you don’t want them back. They’re all butchered, cured and stored now.”

“Keep them.”

“If you insist. But you should watch out for your supply caravans. You obviously aren’t ensuring their safety well enough.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my supply caravans!” he snapped, annoyed at the judgment in Yuri’s voice.

“Well that clears up that mystery then,” Yuri said with a smile and Felix realized he had been goaded into admitting the truth. He stopped and glanced over at Yuri, opening his mouth to say something brusque and brush the whole thing aside. But he stopped when sincerity touched Yuri’s expression and they added, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Felix replied quickly. “I don’t need your gratitude. I’m just trying to help. It’s nothing.”

“I know you don’t want gratitude. But for what it’s worth, thanks. Between you and Dorothea, things have been better down here lately. She’s been bringing all the extra supplies she can get her hands on and even teaching classes to the kids. Not many of the other people up top think to do stuff like that. But Felix-” Yuri paused and their expression hardened a bit. “You’re not bribing me, are you?”

“Bribing you?” he echoed in surprise.

“Gifts always have a purpose behind them.”

“You think I’m doing this to what – convince you to keep training with me? You think I’m that desperate? Like you said, there’s not much more I can learn from you. I don’t need your help.”

“Then why keep coming down here? Why the gifts? Why the offer to bring breakfast? What do you want?” Yuri pushed.

“Aren’t those just things a friend does? Why are you making this a big deal?”

“A friend?” This time Yuri looked surprised. “So that’s what we are now? Friends?”

Felix bristled defensively. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah, actually it does. To me, at least,” Yuri replied.

Felix couldn’t read the look on their face and wanted nothing more than to get out of this conversation that he had no idea how to navigate. He was about to make a clumsy excuse to skip breakfast and leave Abyss, when two soldiers in Yuri’s battalion dashed into the training hall.

“Intruders spotted in the eastern passageways!” one of them gasped.

Yuri sprang into action, rattling off orders to assemble the troops and activate specific traps. As they ran off following the guards, Felix caught up to them. He wiped the sweat off his brow and took a deep breath, steeling his focus for battle. “How can I help?”

“It’s a rival gang coming to pilfer our supplies. Maybe they got wind about the cattle. At any rate, they’re just a bunch of thugs. I’ve got this under control,” Yuri answered.

But Felix continued to keep pace beside him nonetheless and Yuri was too busy to argue with him about it.

They reminded Felix of Byleth in this moment – urgent, focused, down-to-earth. There was no trace of the trickster or the flirt in Yuri’s manner right now. As if a switch had been flipped, they were now a leader, not unlike the general of an army. It was an interesting change. On the battlefield, Yuri did not command troops. Felix had never seen them lead before. But they wore authority with ease, confidence and humility. It made him wonder at all the other sides of Yuri he hadn’t seen yet.

After sending the soldiers away to bring cohorts of guards to specific points in the maze of tunnels to set up ambushes, Yuri set out to meet the intruders head on and bait them into their trap. 

“You don’t have to come with me,” they said, finally looking over at Felix.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” he replied.

“How well do you do in the dark?”

“Well enough.”

“Good. If you stab me on accident, we’re going to have a problem.”

“I’ll be careful.”

Yuri nodded and extinguished the flame spell they were holding in their hand to illuminate the passageway. For a minute, the darkness smothered Felix like a blanket, then his eyes began to adjust enough that he could at least make out shadows and outlines and detect movement. It was unnerving, but if it didn’t bother Yuri, he wasn’t going to let it bother him.

Without his vision, all Felix’s other senses were strained and on the alert, making the tiniest noises, touches and smells more vivid. For that reason it felt like a kick in the stomach when he felt Yuri lean in close to whisper in his ear, “We’ll attack out of nowhere, then run like hell back towards the rendezvous point, alright? Are you ready?”

Their breath tickled Felix’s skin, sending little electric currents racing across his neck and for a second he was too dazed to respond. Then he whispered back, “Of course. I’ll follow your lead.”

They waited in silence for a bit until they heard the distant sound of approaching footsteps. Felix listened carefully and guessed it to be about twenty people. Just in case the whole guerilla warfare scheme didn’t pan out, he and Yuri could take twenty people, right?

“Close your eyes until I tell you to open them,” Yuri breathed in his ear.

Felix obeyed, although it made him tense and anxious to cut off one of his senses with enemies bearing down on them. Granted, he couldn’t see much other than a faint glow of approaching torches, but it was something at least.

As the band of thugs rounded the corner and entered the long hallways they were hiding in, Felix heard a faint crackle of sparks. Then light and heat exploded, followed swiftly by the rush of a gale spell from Yuri. 

“Now, Felix!” Yuri cried and he opened his eyes, blinking and struggling to see for a moment in the darkness. Yuri’s lightning spell had obviously blinded and dazed the intruders and their wind spell had extinguished their torches. Left paralyzed in the dark, this was a perfect opportunity to pick off some of them before hightailing it out of here.

Following Yuri, Felix rushed forward and attacked. Whatever defenses the intruders could muster were no match for Felix’s sword, even in the dark. He managed to strike down two of the thugs and Yuri another two before the torches were relit, the men rallied and went on the offensive.

“Time to go!” Yuri said. Jumping out of the way of an axe, they lit out down the passageway and Felix followed fast on their heels.

Once they were out of sight from the thugs, Yuri and Felix both summoned small flame spells to light the way so they could navigate the tunnels better.

“What next?” Felix asked.

“Next you’re going to lead them into the trap. They’re catching up to us. I need you to follow these directions very carefully and lead them on,” Yuri said.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to check on something. Now listen!”

They rattled off the directions to Felix, who memorized them urgently.

“Go!” Yuri said, giving Felix’s shoulder a shove.

Felix wanted to say something like _‘be careful’_ or _‘see you later’_ but both phrases felt trite and unnecessary. So he just nodded and ran off. He cast a glance over his shoulder to see Yuri ducking into a small offshoot hallway and melting into the darkness.

Careful to run fast enough to stay ahead of the intruders, but hang back enough he stayed in earshot of them so they could follow him, Felix navigated through the maze with Yuri’s instructions. It was a good quarter of an hour before he made it to the ambush site and when he did, he watched with satisfaction as the trap sprung and the thugs were overwhelmed with ranged attacks from hidden Abyssians.

When the storm of spells and arrows ceased, there was one man left standing and judging by the fact his armor was far stronger and better-made than any of the rest, Felix guessed he was their leader. He was a mage and his ward spell was powerful enough to rebuff most of the projectiles.

With a yell, Felix charged at him. The second before they collided, he cast a silence spell to give him an opening between the mage’s spells. But the mage broke through it quicker than Felix had ever seen anyone do and all he managed was to get a glancing hit off the man’s armor.

“Where’s Yuri?” the man roared. “Where is that rat? Did he really go down so easily? Is that all it takes to kill the famous Yuri Leclerc? A fire spell to the gut? Pathetic! Where is he?”

Felix ignored the man’s taunting and attacked again, swiftly dodging the spells and getting in close enough that he could strike. This time he found the tiny gap in the man’s armor and stabbed his blade in deep, feeling it bite into flesh and strike bone. The gang leader howled in pain and blasted Felix off his feet with a wind spell that slammed him roughly down against the rocky ground.

Even though the breath was knocked from his lungs momentarily, Felix pushed himself up off the ground and threw himself at the man, attacking before he could heal the wound. Executing a combination Yuri had taught him, he sliced at the man’s arm, causing his spells to falter. Then he seized the opening in his opponent’s defenses to get in close enough to slash the edge of his blade across the man’s throat.

There was no healing magic that could save him from that wound and the man collapsed, blood pooling around him, his neck half-torn through.

“Where’s the boss?” one of the Abyssian’s called out as Felix cleaned his sword and sheathed it.

“They said they-” Felix paused as he remembered the gang leader’s words. “Shit!” he cursed and bolted back the way he had come. 

It was difficult to reverse the directions in his head to find where he had left Yuri and after a few wrong turns and agonizing deliberations about which was the right way to go, he finally found the little offshoot from the main tunnel. Sliding around the stalagmite pillar that nearly blocked the entrance, he managed to get in. 

As his fire spell lit up the small cave, he saw Yuri sitting on the ground leaning up against the wall. They were shirtless and holding both their hands clamped across a nasty burn wound on their stomach.

“You bastard! You lied to me,” Felix growled, running over and dropping to his knees next to Yuri.

“We needed to act fast. You would have argued with me if I said I was too wounded to go on,” Yuri said in a hoarse, breathless voice.

“How bad is it? Let me help,” Felix demanded.

Yuri moved his hands away and Felix saw that the wound had been mostly repaired. It was only the skin on the outside that hadn’t been fully healed yet. As he set to work, he couldn’t help but notice other scars lacing Yuri’s body. Most were the small slits that came with catching the tip of a sword, and those scars were barely visible, healing magic and time reducing them to only faint white lines. But across Yuri’s shoulders and side were much older wounds, deep and vicious. Yuri’s skin was smoothed from years of healing spells repairing it, but the dark lines of the scars remained. They must have been deep enough and have gone long enough without being tended to that no amount of magic after-the-fact could erase them completely.

Felix wanted to ask the story behind them, but he knew it was none of his business so he kept his mouth shut and focused his attention on healing the burn. It took every shred of faith magic he had to repair the mangled, half-melted skin until it was smooth and healthy, albeit still marred with the crimson and purple shades of burns.

“Thanks,” Yuri whispered, closing their eyes and leaning their head back against the wall.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Felix asked. 

“No, that’s it.”

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Give me a minute. That spell really took it out of me.”

Felix sat down next to Yuri and glared at the floor with his jaw clenched and frustration burning inside him. After a minute he said in a low voice full of barely restrained anger, “Do not _ever_ do that again. Not with me.”

“I’ll always do what I have to to keep my people safe,” they replied. 

“What would you have done if I wasn’t here?”

“I would have waited until I had enough energy for another round of healing spells, then I would have limped back to Abyss and slept it off. Then I would have been fine.”

“You’re reckless,” Felix growled. “I hate recklessness. Recklessness gets you killed. People depend on you!”

“Recklessness would have been continuing to run. I was cautious. I delegated a huge responsibility to you, even though I wasn’t sure if you would be able to find your way back and finish off the thugs. And I hung back to heal myself. I put a lot of trust in you, Felix. It would be nice if you offered me a bit in return. I did what I thought was safest for everyone, including myself.” Yuri opened their eyes and looked over at Felix searchingly. “Why do you care anyways? You act like I personally offended you. My choice had nothing to do with you.”

The question took him aback. He wasn’t used to people not knowing him well enough to guess what he was thinking. The few people he allowed close to him were ones who had known him for years. They didn’t have to ask why he blew up at them when they almost got themselves killed on the battlefield. They knew that above all else Felix feared losing the people he cared about and they knew why. All of that could go unspoken, the way Felix preferred it to.

But Yuri didn’t know about Glenn, at least not anything other than the facts. Yuri didn’t know that the thing that kept Felix awake at night was worrying that at the end of this war he would yet again be the one left standing while someone he loved lay six feet under the ground.

It had been so long since Felix had started over and gotten to know a stranger that the thought stunned him a bit. Then he realized how refreshing it was. Whatever Yuri knew about him, it had been what they observed of who he was now, not who he used to be when he was a child.

“It just bothers me,” Felix said. “I don’t like being lied to. If you had told me, I would have agreed to your plan and come back for you immediately. What pisses me off is the idea of you rotting in this damp, dirty cave while I sat around back in Abyss waiting for you to show up.”

Yuri’s eyes had a keen, appraising look in them as they replied, “Very well. Next time I will tell you. But only if you promise to be practical about it and not get all emotional on me. Understood?”

Felix nodded. “Don’t worry. I’m not an overly emotional person.”

“Is that so?” Yuri laughed faintly but ended up coughing. “Fuck,” they swore. “Healing up your organs really hurts like a bitch.”

“Don’t get them burnt to toast next time then!”

“Their leader was stronger than I expected. It appears I’m getting some real competition.”

“He won’t be competition to you anymore. I killed him.”

“Pity. I wanted to question him. But I guess I didn’t tell you to keep him alive. That’s on me.”

“Sorry,” Felix said. “Should I always keep one alive?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll do that next time then.”

“Next time? You intend to make more little field trips down here to see what my world is like?” Yuri asked.

“I told you that I would fight with you.”

“I figured you meant that if there was a large scale battle of any kind, not these little skirmishes and shenanigans.”

“You obviously need someone to have your back out there. You’d be an idiot to not let me help,” Felix replied.

Yuri smiled at him. “Fine. But only if you swear to listen to me. If you expect me to trust you with my plans, I need to trust that you will execute them. The reason I don’t tell people my plans is that they tend to argue or deviate from them then, whereas if I just manipulate them, they do what they need to for us to win.”

“I’ll follow your lead,” Felix said. “But only if you’re honest with me.”

“I guess we have another deal then.”

To Felix’s astonishment, Yuri reached out and took Felix’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Felix stiffened a bit at the unexpected gesture, but he couldn’t bring himself to yank his hand away. After all the adrenaline and worry and stress, he found the simple touch oddly comforting, even though he didn’t normally like unnecessary physical contact. 

With nothing more to be said, they sat together in silence until Yuri had recovered their energy enough to get back on their feet. Felix gave Yuri his coat to cover up their bare torso with since their shirt was blood-stained and burnt. And as they walked back to Abyss, he kept a watchful eye on Yuri’s movements and expressions to gauge whether they were overdoing it or not. Straining oneself after a bout of seriously healing spells was dangerous, after all.

“Yuri-bird!” Hapi cried as they stepped through the gate into Abyss. “What the hell?”

“Agh! Watch out for my stomach!” Yuri gasped as she flung her arms around them in a hug. 

Hapi stepped back immediately and said, “Sorry. My bad. Got carried away.”

Yuri smiled at her and patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry about me. Bangs had my back.”

“Don’t call me that! For fuck’s sake…” Felix protested.

“Lighten up, Bangs. It’s not a mocking nickname anymore. It’s a fond one,” Hapi said. “Come on, you two. You look like you could use some breakfast.”

She led them over to the dining hall and while they walked, a couple of the Abyssian guards fell into step with them and gave reports to Yuri, who responded with praise for their work, inquiries on whether anyone was hurt, and follow-up instructions for securing the tunnels and posting more lookouts.

“It’s a good thing you were there,” one of the soldiers told Felix. “I don’t know if we could have taken down that big guy on our own.”

Felix just nodded in acknowledgement, not sure what to say. He didn’t need praise; he was just doing what had to be done.

“This surface-dweller has signed up to help us,” Yuri told the soldiers. “His name’s Felix. Get used to working with him. He’s an asshole sometimes, but he’s the strongest swordsman they have up-top and once he proves he can follow orders well, he’ll be a big help around here.” Yuri flashed Felix a small smile and Felix rolled his eyes in response.

But even shrouded in an insult and a goading remark, it was still the most sincere compliment Yuri had ever paid him. Felix reminded himself that he didn’t give a fuck what Yuri Leclerc thought of him, but alongside that thought there was still an irrepressible feeling of satisfaction at the appreciation and respect he saw in Yuri’s eyes.


	4. Lone Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt:
> 
> Drawing his sword, Felix slammed it into the ground in front of Yuri and looked at them expectantly.
> 
> “What are you doing?” Yuri asked.
> 
> “Offering you my sword.”
> 
> “I don’t need it. I have my own.”
> 
> Felix glared at them. “I’m not literally giving it to you, you idiot. It’s a thing you do, to promise… loyalty.”
> 
> Understanding dawn on Yuri along with an emotion that rose up so strongly it choked in their throat for a moment and kept them from speaking. Felix began to look even more uncomfortable and even a little afraid until Yuri picked up the sword and bowed.
> 
> “I accept,” they said. “I’m not a king and I don’t want to rule anything. But I have a mission to fulfill and I think that with someone like you to help me, it might actually be possible.”

“It just never ends, does it?” Dorothea said in a voice soft and heavy with pain. 

Yuri put their arm around her and she leaned against them with a weary sigh. Together, they watched the crowd of refugees, outlaws and orphans huddled in the makeshift shelter and infirmary they had set up in the marketplace of Abyss. 

“This place was once empty and haunted,” she continued. “Now there’s too many to house and feed. If this war ends and-”

“When,” Yuri interrupted. They squeezed her shoulder encouragingly and when she looked over at them they gave her an equally reassuring smile. “ _When_ it ends. Don’t say _if_. We’re going to defeat the empire at Gronder next month and after that there won’t be much war left to fight.”

“What happens to these people then?” she asked.

“They build new lives in a safer world.”

It was an idealistic answer and Yuri knew that Dorothea was not an idealist. But she accepted it nonetheless and smiled back at Yuri. 

“Thea!” Hapi called, jogging over. She stopped to catch her breath and wipe the sweat from her forehead. “Will you give me a hand with some healing spells? Marianne’s magic has almost run out and I’m too shit at faith magic to do much good.”

“Of course,” Dorothea replied and set off with Hapi.

“Coming through!” Raphael’s voice boomed behind Yuri and they whirled around to see him carrying a huge stack of crates.

“Where’d those come from?” Yuri asked him.

Raphael grinned at him. “I got a good deal on some grub from some old merchant pals of mine! Thought y’all could use some!”

Yuri smiled in relief. “We definitely can. Lots of new mouths to feed these days!”

Raphael glanced around the stack of boxes at a group of orphans. He shook his head sadly. “Can’t have youngsters growing up without proper nutrients or they’ll all be too scrawny. I’ll see if I can rustle up some more food and bring it down here.”

“Thank you. Every little bit helps. Just put those boxes over there,” Yuri said, pointing to a free corner of space.

As Raphael walked off, Yuri wove through the crowd to find Hapi. They caught sight of her in one of the medic tents, working diligently beside Dorothea as the two of them tended to the many wounds and ailments the refugees had.

“Hapi,” they said softly, taking her arm and pulling her aside for a moment. 

“Yeah, Yuri-bird?” she asked wearily. “What’s up?”

“What’s the final count on wounded?”

“Thirty wounded, five sick, and-” She paused for a moment as she struggled to hide her emotions. Then she said quietly, “Three gone. Pretty much dropped dead the minute they made it down here. Nothing we could do about it.”

“Where are the bodies?” 

“Two were taken by their families to be buried. But there’s one poor fuck who no one knows. Must have been a loner. He’s in the tent over there,” she said.

“I’ll take care of it. No one even knows his name?” Yuri asked.

Hapi shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

Yuri could see the slight tremble in her lips and the stiffness in her posture and knew that she was barely clinging to her composure. They pulled her into their arms and she buried her face against their neck, wrapping her arms around their waist. 

“Thank you for everything you’ve done,” Yuri whispered in her ear, planting a soft kiss on her temple. “You’re so strong, Hapi. And I’m so grateful for your help.”

“Ugh. Don’t get sappy on me. I can’t handle it right now,” she said and Yuri let go of her.

Hapi gave them a small smile of forced hopefulness and punched their arm lightly. “I’m fine,” she said, although her voice was a bit shaky. “I’ve got Thea here to help. She makes everything bearable. Don’t worry about me.”

Yuri smiled back at her and nodded. As they turned away, the smile faded abruptly from their face. Walking over to the small tent on the outskirts of the marketplace, Yuri ducked inside and saw the corpse wrapped in a dirty, weatherbeaten cloak on the ground. Summoning what strength they had left after the long and tiring day, Yuri picked up the corpse and dragged it to a nearby wheelbarrow. Taking off their cape, they spread it over the man to offer at least a little dignity, although considering he was being hauled in a wheelbarrow off to an unmarked grave in a field outside the monastery, there wasn’t too much dignity to be salvaged.

As Yuri pushed the wheelbarrow across the street to the elevator and nodded at the operators to activate the enchanted mechanisms that raised it, they kept an impassive look fixed determinedly on their face. It wouldn’t do for anyone to see their fearless leader looking anything but calm and strong.

The truth was that Yuri’s heart felt so heavy it might as well be a leaden weight in their chest. Claude and Byleth sure had their hands full fighting this war, but Yuri… How many wars was Yuri fighting at the moment? They fought the armies of the empire, the continual threats that assailed the very existence of the Abyss, the intangible but just as fatal enemies of poverty, illness and devastation that sent people crawling in droves down here seeking asylum… And where Claude had an army – two armies now that Judith Daphnel was here – Yuri had a handful of friends and a small gang. Mostly, the weight of all the wars they were fighting rested on Yuri’s shoulders alone. 

Yuri stood up straighter and clenched their jaw determinedly. _No more self-pity_. They were done indulging in pointless thoughts like that.

Someone had to do this work. And Yuri owed it to Aubin, to his mother, to his friends, and to the goddess to step up and do everything in their power to help the people who fled to Abyss for shelter. This was the promise they’d made and Yuri always kept their promises.

As they reached the surface, Yuri took a back way out of Garreg Mach towards the graveyard, wanting to avoid running into anyone if possible. It was only early evening and the monastery was still bustling with activity. Thankfully Yuri knew how to stick to the shadows and they made it out to the war cemetery they had been forced to create outside the west wall of Garreg Mach. On the edge of it they found a shovel and set to work digging in an empty space. Their arms ached from hours of work already done in the day but they did their best to ignore the pain and keep going. Even a nameless outlaw deserved better than a shallow grave.

“Need a hand?” Felix’s voice said behind them and they turned to see him walking over.

“I’m good,” Yuri replied and returned to digging.

“Hapi said I’d find you here,” Felix said, standing beside Yuri and watching them.

“Why were you looking for me?”

“I heard a bunch of refugees came to Abyss. I thought you might need some help.”

“Hapi should have told you to help out with healing spells instead of chasing after me,” Yuri said, their voice coming out a little sharper than they intended. There was no need to be brusque with Felix, and some part of Yuri was even relieved to see him. But exhaustion had frayed their nerves and long days of forcibly keeping their composure made it harder to keep it together when with someone they knew they could let their guard down around.

“I brought Annette with me. She’s helping them,” he replied.

Yuri plunged the shovel into the dirt and swore quietly when it hit a large rock and rebounded. They knew their arms were trembling but some irrational, stubborn whim kept them from asking Felix for help. Felix had his own problems and had no need to get involved in Yuri’s, after all.

“Give me that,” Felix said, grabbing the shovel and yanking it out of Yuri’s hands. Digging it into the dirt around the rock, he leveraged it up and cast it to the side. “You’re tired. Sit down for a minute. I’ll finish up.”

Yuri opened their mouth to snap at Felix then paused and reconsidered. “Fine,” he said. “Thank you.”

They sat down on a nearby patch of grass and hung their head in their hands, guilt and relief resting with equally heaviness in their mind.

“I understand why you want to fight beside me. You don’t like being bored. But you don’t need to do things like this. I don’t-”

“You have a problem with me helping you?” Felix interrupted. He glanced over his shoulder at Yuri with a slightly mocking glint in his eyes. “Too proud?”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you think you know me,” Yuri replied. They couldn’t figure out why they were fighting, but they were too tired to keep their conflicting emotions in check.

“How am I supposed to get to know you then if you keep shoving me away?” Felix asked.

Yuri gave a quiet, scoffing laugh. “That’s rich coming from you.”

Felix stiffened and the thrusts of the shovel became a little sharper as anger bled through into his movements. “Fuck you, Yuri,” he muttered. “I’m not the person I was five years ago. I should think that was obvious to you, but I guess not.”

The hurt in his tone made Yuri regret their words and the fact that they had attacked Felix for no reason when he was here trying to do something nice. With a sigh, they stood up and walked over to put a hand on Felix’s shoulder. Yuri could feel his muscles tense beneath their touch and for a long moment Felix didn’t even turn to face them. When he did there was a strangely vulnerable, searching look in his eyes that Yuri couldn’t quite place the reason for.

“I’m sorry,” Yuri said. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you because I was in a bad mood.”

Felix snorted and smiled slightly. “Taste of my own medicine I guess.”

Yuri smiled back. “Perhaps so.”

Yuri wasn’t sure why they didn’t want to move their hand away from Felix’s shoulder; maybe it was just a selfish desire for the comfort of physical contact. But Felix didn’t brush them away and they let their hand slide down to Felix’s arm. 

“You have been a huge help to me. I appreciate it, even if I don’t say that often,” Yuri said. The way Felix was not avoiding eye contact like he usually did and the intense look that burned in his eyes emboldened Yuri and they added, “You said once that we were friends and I evaded replying. The truth is that I don’t make friends easy. But I’ve come to think of you as one. You should know that.”

Felix seemed to be searching for words and failing to find them because he opened and closed his mouth several times. Finally he settled on, “I don’t make friends easy either.”

“And yet you have many.”

“I do?”

“Everyone here cares about you. Can’t you see that?”

He looked a little stunned by the thought. “Hm.”

Yuri wanted to add that they were one of those people but even the simple phrase _‘I care about you too’_ stuck on their lips. Thankfully, Felix seemed to hit his limit of sincere conversation and turned away to keep digging. As Yuri’s hand slid off his arm, a small pang of loss struck Yuri, confusing them all the more. They wanted to reach out and reestablish the contact – some impulsive part of their mind even considered hugging him – but it was the wrong moment for it, what with a dead body sitting in a wheelbarrow and a half-dug grave in front of them. So they stepped back and let Felix work.

When he was finished and together they laid the man in the grave, Felix said, “Who is he?”

“No one knows.”

“Should we say a few words or something?” Felix asked.

“Are you religious?”

“Not after what the church did to Ashe and Sylvain, making them kill their own family. They’ve fucked over you and Hapi too. I don’t see how any of us can still be religious after all that bullshit.”

“There’s a difference between religion and spirituality. I don’t have any love for the church anymore either, but I still believe in the goddess. It helps to believe that I’m not alone in all this,” Yuri admitted, surprised by their own honesty. “I’ll say a few words if you want.”

“Go for it.”

Felix filled the dirt in the grave and as he patted it smooth and stepped to the side, Yuri moved over to stand beside him and stared down at the fresh patch of earth. Taking a deep breath to ease the ache in their chest, Yuri quoted the words a priest had taught them once. They had been forced to say them over enough graves that they knew them by heart.

“As your flesh, blood and bone are laid to rest to the earth, may your soul also rest in the embrace of the goddess and may the days you spend therein be kinder to you than the days you spent here. Rest free of the suffering that took the energy from your body and the breath from your lungs. Rest in peace. By the mercy of the goddess, let it be so.”

Felix stood silently beside them for a long moment then said, “Let’s go.”

He returned the shovel to its place on the edge of the graveyard and picked up the handles of the wheelbarrow. Yuri caught up to him as he walked back to the monastery walls and said, “Let me make you dinner or get you a drink or something as thanks for your help.”

“You don’t need to thank me. Just tell me what else I can do,” he said.

“You don’t need to-”

“Damn it, Yuri!” Felix swore abruptly and whirled around to face them. “Isn’t it the job of a leader to lead? I offered to fight beside you! Don’t you get it?”

“There aren’t any battles or skirmishes that need to be fought at the moment. Just tedious tasks and physical labor.”

“That’s not- What I meant was-” Felix stopped his flustered stammering to gather his thoughts then said, “I’m not a leader like you. I was raised to be the right hand to a king not a king myself. I don’t know how to do what you do or what Claude and Byleth do. I just know how to do what I do and that’s stand beside them, beside you. You don’t seem to understand that I’m not patronizing you or pitying you or just offering because I’m bored.”

“Then why are you offering?” Yuri asked, staring at Felix’s intense look with wide eyes.

“Because I don’t have a king to fight for anymore, so I’ve chosen to fight for someone I believe in instead. I believe in you. You’re never going to be a king or anything, but if you ever were, you’d be a good one, because you don’t give a shit about stuff like chivalry and glory and honor. You just want to help and protect people, which is what a king should do.”

Yuri was too stunned to reply but Felix didn’t wait for them to. Drawing his sword, he slammed it into the ground in front of Yuri and looked at Yuri expectantly.

“What are you doing?” Yuri asked.

“Offering you my sword.”

“I don’t need it. I have my own.”

Felix glared at them. “I’m not literally giving it to you, you idiot. It’s a thing you do, to promise… loyalty.”

Understanding dawn on Yuri along with an emotion that rose up so strongly it choked in their throat for a moment and kept them from speaking. Felix began to look even more uncomfortable and even a little afraid until Yuri picked up the sword and bowed.

“I accept,” they said. “I’m not a king and I don’t want to rule anything. But I have a mission to fulfill and I think that with someone like you to help me, it might actually be possible.”

Relief stole across Felix’s expression as he took back his sword and sheathed it. Then he nodded determinedly and said, “So how do I help?”

“Be my friend as much as my right hand,” Yuri said. “Like you are right now.”

“I’m probably better at fighting and working than being a good friend.”

“I think all the people who love in spite of yourself would disagree,” Yuri replied.

Felix shifted uncomfortably. “Stop saying things like that.”

“You have a problem with me complimenting you? Too proud?” Yuri teased, repeating Felix’s earlier words back to him. 

“I just prefer you to be honest with me than try to flatter me.”

“Goddess, you’re a pain in the ass,” Yuri said, walking past Felix towards. “I meant it but you can’t take a compliment to save your life.”

Felix followed them silently and as they entered the monastery, he fell in step with Yuri as they headed back to Abyss. Yuri didn’t protest and when they returned to the makeshift camp in the marketplace, they watched gratefully as Felix set to work finishing up the last of the healing spells needed along with Dorothea, Annette and Hapi. Yuri worked on organizing provisions and shelter for everyone and by nightfall, they had the crisis mostly under control.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Yuri accepted the food that Hapi brought them all and ate in silence, stealing looks every so often at Felix who was listening to Dorothea, Hapi and Annette talk about music. He didn’t speak but he didn’t look unfriendly either. He responded when they forced him to and even laughed at one point. Yuri smiled at the sound of his laugh. It wasn’t the usual scoff Felix would give while bantering or arguing. It was genuine, soft, and so quiet he barely made a sound. Mostly his shoulders just shook a little and a sparkle of humor brightened his eyes. 

At one point, Felix caught Yuri staring and gave them a questioning frown as if to say _‘What are you looking at?’_ When Yuri just smiled back enigmatically Felix frowned deeper and rolled his eyes, returning his attention to the others.

Gathering up everyone’s plates when they were finished eating, Yuri said, “I’m going to turn in for the night. Thank you all. You worked hard today and made a big difference.”

They caught Felix’s eye as they left and nodded at him with a smile. Felix smiled back slightly and nodded back, a silent _‘goodnight.’_

As Yuri retired to their room and locked the door behind them, they kicked off their boots and armor and sagged wearily into their bed. But sleep didn’t come immediately, with so many tumultuous thoughts swimming around in their head. Instead, they stared up at the ceiling and struggled to make sense of them.

_“I believe in you.”_

Felix’s words echoed through their mind on repeat along with the image of him striking his sword down into the dirt in front of Yuri with that look on his face, fierce, vulnerable and yet formal and solemn all at the same time. It was so very typical of a Faerghus noble, and yet Yuri did not doubt the sincerity of Felix’s oath, nor did they take it for granted just because it was likely a product of the ideals Felix was raised with.

That kind of faith and loyalty were rare. Incredibly rare. Had anyone even offered that kind of trust to Yuri before?

Something stung in Yuri’s eyes and they rubbed at them, realizing with a jolt of surprise and embarrassment that it was tears.

Did they not have to shoulder all these burdens alone anymore? It seemed too good to be true and some instinctively defensive and distrustful part of Yuri wanted to dismiss Felix’s promise and continue on down their path on their own, as they had always done. But another part of Yuri desperately wanted that feeling of support and faith.

And here alone in the stillness and silence of the night, Yuri could no longer hold back from admitting that it was not the only thing they wanted from Felix, and that _friend_ was a word that didn’t quite cover the trust, concern and affection that had slowly grown in their heart for him over the past three months.

“Fuck,” they whispered. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Making a friend was strange enough. To let themself come to have feelings of any other kind was flat out unacceptable. Yuri did not have the luxury of personal attachment in a real, intimate way. The couple friendships they had – Hapi, Dorothea, Ashe – they were already to some extent a liability, names Yuri knew painfully well they would write in their book one day with the same spirit-crushing pain they had written Byleth’s name with five years ago when she was presumed dead.

“Fuck,” Yuri whispered again and rolled over to bury their face in the pillow and try to clamp down on the emotion flooding irrationally through them.

_“I believe in you.”_

Mind full of those haunting, precious words, Yuri tossed and turned for quite some time until sleep finally overcame them.


	5. Great Tree Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix faces Dimitri on the battlefield at Gronder and after the battle is so shaken that Yuri is worried about him. When they go to comfort Felix, they learn several things about him and his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Content Warning:**  
>  I should have tagged this earlier in the story but since this is Golden Deer and Gronder Field, this chapter will mention Dimitri's death as well as Ingrid who was not recruited into the Golden Deer. I don't normally include major character death in my stories and I'm sorry that I didn't tag this sooner. It is however relatively unavoidable for Verdant Wind stories.
> 
> If you'd like to skip that angst, you can go to where there is the line break and read from there for some softer Yurilix content.

The boar was here. Alive. 

Felix knew it the moment he saw Byleth freeze at the top of the hill in the middle of Gronder Field then turn and yell, “Felix! Sylvain! Take your battalions westards to keep Edelgard from fleeing! Go! NOW!”

Sylvain obeyed, unaware of what was going on but Felix hesitated, paralyzed by emotions he didn’t understand and had no time to parse. All he knew is that he had to see him, to know for sure. 

The screeching whinny of pegasi came from overhead and Felix felt sick. He forced himself to look up and see a familiar flash of golden hair and the glow of Lúin leading the flying battalion. So she was here too. She had refused to come with them to Garreg Mach because she was hanging onto the delusional hope that the boar was still alive and the Kingdom could rally. It hadn’t been delusion after all, had it?

Heart heavy as lead in his chest, Felix gripped his sword hilt tight and charged up the hill, striking down the soldiers that stood in his way, both Adrestrian and Faerghan alike. The pegasi battalion swept by overhead, heading towards the side of the field where Hubert was wreaking havoc with his powerful dark magic, and Felix was relieved at least that he would not have to face Ingrid today. He couldn’t bear to see the anger in her eyes, the betrayal. Facing the boar would be bad enough, but he had to do it. If he could talk him down maybe, make him back off so no more people had to die today… 

Felix reached the top of the hill to find Byleth fighting on her own, having sent back the rest of them to face Dimitri alone. It was likely an attempt to spare them the pain of having to kill him, but it was foolish nonetheless. Her dying here would be catastrophic. The resistance wouldn’t live without its leader. 

“FELIX! Fall back!” Byleth screamed, dodging the swing of an axe and hurling a fire spell out to push the attacker back while three others descended on her.

Felix didn’t bother replying. He knew if he was ever allowed to disregard her orders on the battlefield it would be now, when she was risking her life and needed to be saved from her own good intentions. He threw himself into the fray next to her and managed to clear some space around her so she could take a moment to heal some of her many wounds.

“He’s here,” Byleth gasped, sealing up a gaping spear stab in her leg. 

“I know,” Felix said. “I’m ready.”

The truth was that he had been ready ever since that first day he caught a glimpse of the monster that Dimitri kept hidden during his squire days before Garreg Mach. He knew that someday Dimitri would lose control and he knew that it would be up to him to stop him. There were few other people who could best the boar in a fight and Felix’s years of sparring with him had taught him how to overcome the boar’s intimidating strength. 

Rodrigue had told him over and over again after Glenn died that it would be his job now to protect Dimitri from the world. But Felix had always had the unsettling premonition that one day that job would be to protect the world from Dimitri. 

Cutting through the line of advancing soldiers, Felix pushed forward and caught sight of him finally. His stomach twisted with dread and some agonizing kind of emotion ripped at him, whether fury or pity Felix could not tell.

The boar had won out at long last, it seemed. Whatever part of Dimitri that had still been  _ Dimitri _ had been burned away, leaving nothing but raw pain and hatred left. 

“Felix! No!” Byleth yelled behind him.

“Let me talk to him,” Felix said, sparing a quick glance over his shoulder at her. “Maybe I can-”

With a roar, Dimitri leveled Areadbhar at Felix and charged.

Heart pounding, Felix turned back to face him and as Dimitri reached him, he dodged the attack, grateful that his speed still outpaced Dimitri’s.

He wanted to scream at him to stop, to hurl the insults at him that had always come so instinctively to his tongue when they were younger to cover up any other feeling inside him. But his friends’ lives were at stake and Felix had to try to get through to him. He couldn’t let the part of him that was so frighteningly similar to the boar take over his judgment.

“Dimitri,” he said calmly. “Listen to me.”

A snarl twisted one corner of Dimitri’s mouth and he attacked Felix without hesitation. As he evaded the strike, Felix tried again.

“Listen! We’re trying to kill Edelgard too. We can work together! You don’t need to fight us! We’re on the same side!”

But Felix’s words fell on deaf ears and he only barely managed to scramble out of the way of Dimitri’s next strike.

“You are in my way,” Dimitri growled at him.

Furious and desperate, Felix tried one more time to get through to him, speaking a name he had not spoken in nearly ten years. “Dima,” he said. “Please.”

The name had the opposite effect on Dimitri than he had hoped for. Instead of causing him to hesitate, it enraged him.

“Get out of my sight!” he yelled, doubling down on his attacks.

Felix blocked Areadbhar with the Aegis shield but the force of the blow sent painful shockwaves rippling across his body and numbed his arm. His own patience finally broke and he raised his blade, attacking Dimitri back for the first time.

“What are you going to do, kill me?” he shouted. “Your oldest friend? Is that how far you’ve fallen? No mercy for the person who once called your best friend?”

Dimitri stared at him with a dead look in his remaining eye. “You’re not worth it.”

Felix was too stunned to reply and when Dimitri raised Areadbhar for another strike, he didn’t move his shield to block. He could have sworn for one horrible, numbing moment he felt the gore-soaked head of Areadbhar cut into him. But he must have imagined it because after a strange disorienting jolt, he found himself alive and Byleth diving in between him and Dimitri to block the blow and save him.

* * *

“Hey friend,” Yuri said when they found Byleth sitting on a bench outside the dormitory with her head in her hands and a look of soul-deep exhaustion on her face. “What’s wrong? How can I help?”

“Sylvain locked himself up in his room and won’t let anyone in, even Felix and Dorothea. And Ferdinand… He’s not great either. I tried to keep him away from Hubert on the battlefield, but-” Byleth sighed deeply and clutched the roots of her hair in her hands. “I failed them all today. Felix ended up facing Dimitri and Ferdinand was almost killed by Hubert. Hubert at least lived, but Dimitri…”

Yuri sat down next to Byleth and put their hand on her shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. “You did the best you could. That battle was chaos. Edelgard specifically maneuvered to force us to encounter the Kingdom forces. There was little you could do. But all of us survived. Don’t lose sight of that.”

“I’m not the one who deserves comfort right now,” she murmured. “I’m afraid we will just have to leave Sylvain alone for a while. I’m going to go see if there’s anything I can do for Ferdinand. Will you check on Felix? He’s in the training grounds.”

“That’s what I guessed. I was on my way there but I wanted to check on the others too,” Yuri said.

Byleth lifted her face from her hands finally and looked at Yuri with that strange, blank stare of hers. She nodded sadly and said, “Thank you.”

“You’re so busy taking care of all of us. Is anyone taking care of you?” Yuri asked.

“I can take care of myself.”

“Everyone needs a friend, no matter how strong they are.” Yuri knew better than to add,  _ Or they end up like Dimitri _ , but it was what they were thinking nonetheless. 

“I’ll be fine,” she replied. “Go see Felix.”

As Yuri got up and walked towards the training grounds, they tried to think of things to say to Felix, but nothing sounded right in their head. What words were there for something like this? When words failed, Yuri would normally rely on comforting touch, but they doubted Felix would want that. 

A part of Yuri ached to hold Felix in their arms and tell him that they understood what it was like to face someone they loved and respected who had turned into a monster and that they were here for whatever Felix needed to get through the grief. The more rational side of Yuri knew that empathy like that would probably not be well-received, no matter if they were friends now.

Even before Yuri opened the doors to the training grounds, they could hear the  _ thwack! _ of a training sword against the wooden dummy and Felix’s grunts of exertion as he pushed his battle-wearied body to fight harder even though it was well past its limit.

When Yuri walked in, Felix stopped abruptly and looked at him with startled eyes.

“Why are you here? Did Sylvain do something?” he asked urgently.

“He’s still locked up in his room. Byleth is keeping an eye on him.”

Felix nodded, lowering his sword so the tip was resting on the ground. He was panting for breath and his arms were trembling. He was sweaty and pale as death and looked like he might be ill. But he wasn’t emotionless like so many people accused him of being. Yuri could see the feelings kept desperately constrained behind his sharp manner. 

“I swear, I’ll kick his ass if he does anything stupid,” Felix said. 

“What is he likely to do?” Yuri asked in concern.

“Drink himself sick. I warned Dorothea of it and she said she’d make sure no liquor got to him.”

“And you? What is your vice? Training until you pass out?”

“Yes,” Felix said, obviously too tired to put up a front. He looked into Yuri’s eyes and asked, “Spar with me?”

“You need to rest. Come have a cup of tea or at least a cigarette.”

“Yuri,” Felix said in a low, hoarse voice. “Please. Take my mind off it. I’ll be fine in the morning, but for tonight I can’t… I just need to…”

Yuri walked over to the weapons rack and picked out a training sword. “Fine. But if I win, you have to rest for a while and eat and drink something.”

“Sure,” Felix muttered. “Whatever.”

He attacked first, his movements clumsy and off-balance. Exhausted as Yuri was from fighting and traveling, they still evaded the strike with ease. They didn’t want to insult Felix by toying with him or by letting him win. So they let Felix attempt two more attacks then they disarmed him and rested the training sword against his throat, lightning crackling in one hand as extra insurance of victory. 

Felix’s shaking hands dropped his sword and he stood still and glared at Yuri in futile frustration. Then he stumbled abruptly forward and kissed them.

It was a rough and frantic kiss, one of Felix’s hands gripping the back of Yuri’s neck and the other clasping their jaw with trembling, callused fingers. Yuri was too astonished at first to realize what was going on and kissed him back on instinct, parting their lips to let Felix’s tongue move passionately in their mouth and getting a little lost in the breathtaking intensity of it all. Then like a slap in the face, it hit Yuri what Felix was doing and they yanked away and took a step back.

For a second, Felix looked upset then shame flushed his cheeks and his brow furrowed in concern. “Oh fuck. Yuri, I’m sorry. I-”

“Wanted something pretty to distract you from your pain,” Yuri finished, unable to help the hint of ice in their tone. “My body is good for that, so I’m told.”

“Fuck,” Felix swore again. “I wasn’t thinking. You’re… You aren’t… That’s not how I feel about you. I have never viewed you just as a body to be attracted to. You know I respect you. You know how I feel about-” He caught himself with a startled look and stopped his distraught stammering. Lifting his eyes to meet Yuri’s, he stared at them earnestly and said, “You should go. You deserve better than to deal with me right now. I don’t want to fuck up even more. I’ve already-”

Yuri closed the distance between them and wrapped their arms around Felix, holding onto him tightly as they leaned their forehead against his neck and said, “I get it. I’m just touchy about that kind of thing. I know you respect me. And I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”

Slowly, Felix put his arms around them and held onto Yuri with surprising gentleness. He didn’t speak for a long time and when he did it was so quietly that Yuri barely heard him. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I couldn’t bear to be alone, but I couldn’t bear to be with anyone else. You… You’re just…” Felix struggled for the right word and his arms tightened around Yuri. “Kind,” he finished. “More than I deserve.”

“You’re one of my closest friends, Felix,” Yuri said. “You will always deserve my kindness.”

Felix clung to them for another minute then let go and pulled away, clearing his throat awkwardly and staring at the wall. “I should go.”

“We had a deal,” Yuri replied. “If I won, you had to eat something. Are you going back on that?”

“I’ll eat alone,” Felix said and turned away to set his training sword back on the weapons rack. Yuri returned their own then walked towards the door, beckoning for Felix to follow. “No you won’t. Follow me.”

Silently, Felix fell into step beside them and when they reached the dining hall, he leaned against the counter with his arms folded across his chest, gazing down at the floor with faraway eyes. Yuri piled some food onto a plate and left the dining hall, walking towards the dormitory. Felix trailed after him until they reached his room then he stopped in front of the door in surprise.

“Would you rather we have trekked all the way down to Abyss?” Yuri asked.

“No, this is- It’s fine,” he said and opened it, ushering Yuri in.

Yuri had never set foot in Felix’s room but it was exactly what they expected: neat, stark and full of swords. There was no table to eat at so Yuri sat down on the edge of the bed and held out the plate as Felix kicked off his boots and settled down cross-legged next to him. 

He ate without protest and a little more life returned to him, his hands ceasing to tremble and a little energy returning to his manner.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, setting the empty plate aside. “You’ve done your duty and been a good friend. You can go now.”

“Do you want me to?” Yuri asked.

Felix looked over at them, at a loss for words.

Stripping off his boots and cloak, Yuri lay down on top of the covers and patted the space beside him.

“Yuri, you don’t have to stay,” Felix said. 

“I know. But I’m worried about you. I need to make sure my right hand man gets some sleep so he can stay sharp, otherwise his sword won’t be much use to me, will it?” Yuri replied.

Felix lay down next to them on his back, his whole body stiff. 

“I’m not going to sleep,” he said. “Too much on my mind.”

“You want to talk?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I figured so. Come here,” Yuri said, putting their hands on Felix’s shoulders and tugging him into their arms. “You don’t have to say or do anything.”

Felix relaxed and although he didn’t put his arms around Yuri, he rested his head in the crook of their neck and closed his eyes. He didn’t say a word and after an hour or so, despite his claims, he fell asleep, his breathing quieting to soft snores and his body rolling closer until he was pressed up against Yuri.

Yuri intended to sneak out before dawn so no one knew they were here and gave either them or Felix shit about it. But they couldn’t deny how as much as they were trying to comfort Felix, it was equally comforting for Yuri to not have to spend the night alone. Gronder Field had shaken them too. Deeply. They might not have had any attachment or loyalty to Dimitri, but the tragedy of what occurred was impossible to witness without being affected. 

It was morning before Yuri knew it and they realized that they hadn’t slept, too lost in thought to do more than doze on and off in a half-awake, half-unconscious state. Felix stirring in their arms and mumbling something incoherent brought Yuri back to reality. They let go of Felix and looked at him, noticing the streaks of tears across his skin. Yuri hadn’t noticed him cry at any point last night, but his red eyes and the trails on his cheeks gave him away.

Rubbing his eyes, he yawned widely, then opened his eyes and saw Yuri lying beside him. He instantly tensed and looked so awkward Yuri smiled at him. 

“Did you forget I was here?” Yuri said.

Felix opened his mouth to say something then closed it.

“How are you doing?” Yuri asked. 

“Fine,” Felix said – the automatic reply Yuri was so used to hearing from him.

They should get out of bed, should leave Felix to pull himself together and face the new day. But some impulse made Yuri linger, reaching out to run their fingers through Felix’s tangled hair that had worked itself free of his usual knot and fallen loosely across his shoulders. He was a mess, but he had never seemed so genuine to Yuri before, so… human. 

It was captivating and Yuri couldn’t look away.

Felix stared back at him, not shying away from the simple touch, his eyes solemn but his gaze softer than usual.

“You stayed,” he said.

“I did.”

“Yuri… Last night, I- I was out of line. I’m sorry.”

“You’re already forgiven,” Yuri told him. “I know you didn’t mean it. You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

Felix frowned. “You’re wrong.”

“What a bold claim. I’m rarely ever wrong,” Yuri said with a bit of a smirk. It was a weak attempt to lighten the mood and had absolutely no effect on Felix’s grim mood.

“You are. I fucked it up in every way,” he said. “But I did mean it.”

The words, spoken with such typical Felix seriousness and intensity, caught Yuri off guard. “You’re in a vulnerable state and not thinking through your decisions, Felix. I know how people act when they’re in pain. It’s-”

“I gave you my sword,” he interrupted, staring in confusion at Yuri like they were missing something incredibly obvious. “What the fuck did you think that meant?”

“That you were offering to help me with my work?” Yuri said, even more confused than Felix.

“I gave you my loyalty. You think I would give that to just anyone?”

“I wouldn’t accept such loyalty and friendship from anyone either. It meant the world to me and I understand the seriousness of the gesture,” they insisted.

Felix scowled with frustration. “I thought you understood. I knew you didn’t feel the same way about me. I don’t expect you to at all. Of course not. But I thought you knew anyways what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” Yuri asked.

And with a matter-of-fact honesty that took Yuri’s breath away, Felix said, “That I loved you.”

Thankfully, Yuri managed to stifle the urge to laugh in disbelief. It was such an incredibly Felix thing to do – to equate handing over a sword to a profession of love. No one in the world would have gathered that from the act. But Yuri knew pointing that out would only fluster and embarrass Felix, so they kept their expression serious as they said, “You’re wrong, Fraldarius.”

Slipping the hand in Felix’s hair to cradle the back of his head, Yuri leaned in and kissed Felix. It was hardly more than a brush of lips; Yuri was careful to keep it gentle and respectful so the memory of Felix’s rough, grief-fueled kiss last night would not tarnish it. And to their relief, Felix kissed them back with equal tenderness.

“You have a way of surprising me,” Yuri whispered when they parted.

“Get used to it,” Felix said gruffly.

Yuri smiled and kissed him again, but after a moment, the happiness they felt became overshadowed by all that they had forgotten when they got caught up in the moment – the thoughts they had wrestled with that first night a month ago when they realized their own feelings for Felix. And they knew what they had to do.

“Felix…”

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“This whole time, I think you’ve had me up on a pedestal. And I’ve let you, because I’m selfish and because at first you were a useful ally and then eventually you became a friend I cared about deeply. But there’s a lot you don’t know about me. If you did, you would probably take that sword back.”

“You killed a church soldier and ended up thrown in Abyss. Yeah, I heard the story,” Felix said. “You think I give a fuck?”

“About that? Probably no. But there are other things you don’t know. I haven’t lived a good life. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, things that someone like you wouldn’t condone.”

Anger shadowed Felix’s expression and he snapped, “Stop it.”

“I’m serious. You need to understand-”

“Stop,” he insisted again. “I’ve seen Sylvain do this with every chance at a relationship he’s ever had. He gets in just deep enough that the other person really cares about him, then he panics and backs out because he thinks they’ll reject him. Don’t you fucking dare do that to me. And don’t you dare say it’s ‘for my own good’ or any shit like that. I’m not an idiot, Yuri. I’ve heard the rumors and I didn’t give you my trust easily, okay? Don’t insult me by thinking I gave it to you out of some delusion about who you are. You have accepted me for the unlovable asshole that I am. I accept you for who you are. Don’t make it complicated.”

His words, although sharp enough they might have been hurtful to someone else, comforted Yuri, because they knew that he meant them. That was one of the best things about Felix. Yuri could tell when he was being honest.

“We have all done things we aren’t proud of,” Felix added quietly. “I handle my guilt by fighting. You deal with yours by trying to help people. I’d say your way is better than mine.”

“You’ve used your love of a fight to help a lot of people in Abyss,” Yuri replied.

“And I intend to keep doing that, whether you-” Felix paused and said the next few words in a strained voice. “-feel the same way about me or not.”

Yuri cupped Felix’s cheek in their hand and brushed their thumb across his lips, marveling at the turn this morning had taken. “I love you,” they reassured him. “Fight beside me, be honest with me, and challenge me when I’m being self-sabotaging like you did just now, and I will love you deeper still.”

“I will,” Felix promised.

This time when Yuri kissed him, they didn’t hold back and no thoughts of the past poisoned their focus on the present.


End file.
